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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25208344">Lucidity</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aobh/pseuds/Aobh'>Aobh</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>DC Extended Universe, DCU (Comics), Stargirl (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Fluff, HourNite, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mutual Pining, Past Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:55:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,754</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25208344</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aobh/pseuds/Aobh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucidity<br/>| n. the ability to see things clearly; rationality; sanity</p><p>Or, alternate summary:</p><p>           The five times Rick sees Beth, and the one time she sees him back.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Beth Chapel/Rick Tyler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>59</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Lucidity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>1.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The first time Rick <em>sees</em> Beth is midway through Third grade.</p><p>It’s a Wednesday, or a Thursday. He’s not sure and he doesn’t care because his parents are dead and nothing matters.</p><p>Everyone’s still gossiping about summer and what they did and where they went and all Rick can think of is the gaping chasm of time ahead of him without his parents and the emptiness that gnaws the space between his organs. He keeps quiet at the back of the class and chews on the end of his sleeve when the noisy room is just too <em>much</em>.</p><p>(Their teacher, Mrs Cortina, taught his dad and whenever she looks at him her face falls and her chin wobbles and her eyes get misty sad and he wants to <em>scream</em> at her but he’s scared that if he opens his mouth he’ll cry instead.)</p><p>The school bell rings and everyone lines up for bag inspection; a wriggling conga line of sticky kids who think the worst thing to happen was the cancellation of Power Rangers and who don’t <em>know</em> what Rick knows- what he wishes with all his heart that he didn’t.</p><p>He joins the end, lips trembling, head cloudy. He’d begged Uncle Matt to pick him up but he’d slurred <em>I don’ care if your dad used ta pick you up, I’m</em> <em>busy, walk home</em>, so he knows he has to pass The Tree and he’s not sure if he can do it again alone.</p><p>Beth is up front as usual, gabbing away as Mrs Cortina checks to see if she’d stuffed all her worksheets into her bag. Cindy makes mean faces at her back while Jenny giggles and the line inches forward on tippy-toes smelling blood.</p><p>"I'm having a sleepover at my house." Cindy says. It’s loud enough to carry her impending joke all the way over the other kids heads to Rick’s ears.</p><p>There’s a crueller-than-usual quirk to her smile and he knows what's next, but he stays quiet. Mrs Cortina moves down the line and zips up Lucille Hersh’s coat because she'd sprained her arm on the jungle gym two days ago and couldn’t do it up herself. She doesn’t have a proper cast but you would have thought her whole arm was missing by the way she <em>sighed</em> and <em>hummed</em> and got everyone to sign the flimsy sling with a permanent marker she’d swiped from ‘teacher’s desk.</p><p>(She never asked <em>him</em> to sign it and he has to tell himself that it doesn’t matter. What’d he wanna sign her stupid sling for anyway? It wasn’t even a cast. He doesn’t care. He <em>doesn’t</em>.) </p><p>"You can bring a <em>friend</em>." Cindy sing-song’s. Jenny tries to keep a straight face but the beads on the ends of her meticulous plaits flick together as her head shakes from the force of holding in her laughter. "Who are your best friends again, Beth?"</p><p>The line goes silent. Everyone’s breath is held in anticipation of the punchline designed specifically to destroy Beth Chapel. She’s the only one who doesn’t see it coming.</p><p>"My <em>paa</em>rants." Beth says with a sunny smile and a speech impediment she’s trying to work through.</p><p>She goes to say something else but Cindy snickers and that sets Jenny off and soon the whole line is in hysterics except for Rick. His knuckles hurt from the force of how hard he’s clenching his fist but he doesn’t move. He just stands there and watches them laugh even harder when Mrs Cortina scolds them and stoops to dry Beth’s wet cheeks with a handkerchief.</p><p>Her eyes are all big and red and there’s a bit of snot on the end of her nose that wobbles as she wails and Rick just stares and stares until the kids file out and then he's filing out after them without a backward glance because there’s a bruise on his arm that itches and no one ever helped him so why should he help her?</p><p>Years later he'll think about her face and how sad she was and how much hell had come from that one day and the guilt of not saying anything will sting a part of his heart he thought was dead. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>2.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The second time Rick <em>sees</em> Beth is at the beginning of Freshman year.</p><p>And he doesn’t really even see her because he’s more preoccupied with trying to get his picture back from Cindy's manicured claws.</p><p>(Her stepmom let her get a manicure with fake nails. It’s against school policy but he’d yet to see the adult brave enough to tell Cindy Burman <em>no</em> so she’d gotten away with it. Everyone is so jealous, and Rick swears her head grows three sizes a day with all the compliments she gets. He wonders if she realises that their admiration is only a thin veil for their fear.)</p><p>“That’s your <em>mom</em>?” Cindy sniggers, while Henry holds his arms behind his back at an angle that, mixed with the pain of her touching the only picture he has left of his parents, makes tears burn his eyes.</p><p>They’re in the hallway and a crowd has formed a circle around them, a bodily barrier to keep him in his own worst hell. The students look hungry, starved of good drama for weeks now and practically drooling at the prospect of being fed a forbidden morsel.</p><p>Cindy’s index nail scraps against his mother’s face and he jerks against Henry who grew a foot and a half over the summer and dwarfs Rick.</p><p>“Are you <em>sure</em> you’re their kid?  Because you got none of their looks.” Jenny’s tinny voice chimes from her usual position of one step behind Cindy on her bad side so she makes the taller girl look better.</p><p>Henry snorts into his ear, arms slackening and it’s all the give Rick needs.</p><p>He bursts forward and elbows Henry in the gut. Jenny’s glee turns to worry but Cindy’s eyes spark at the violence.</p><p>“Give it back.” He squeaks, because his voice is halfway between broken and breaking and the fear that grips his heart as she scrunches the picture edge on purpose steals his resolve.</p><p>She licks her bottom lip, slow like a snake like she can taste his fear in the air. He can hear Henry wheezing behind him and the crowd around them is jostling but silent. Waiting and watching. Eager for the excitement they were promised and relieved that for this time at least, it’s not them on the receiving end of Cindy’s cruel games. He knows not to ask anyone for help; they won’t come for his rescue because they’re cowards but Rick’s been bullied since he was born and there are <em>rules</em> to it and he’s almost certain that dead parents are firmly behind the line you don’t cross.</p><p>“What are you gonna do?” Cindy’s smile is so wide, it looks like it’ll split her face in half and show the world that despite the cruelty, she’s still somehow (maddeningly) human. She lurches forward, ready to strike. “Cry abou-”</p><p>There’s a <em>shziip</em> of trainers against the linoleum and a <em>splat!</em> of viscous liquid.</p><p>Cindy blinks. Rick blinks. Jenny squeals and the crowd howls at their new victim.</p><p>Help has come, but because it’s Beth, it comes in her usual form: chaos.</p><p>She’s talking animatedly into her phone, something about her dad and last’s nights pot roast but she trips and the yoghurt she’d been holding flew high, splattering over Cindy’s fresh blow-out.</p><p>He doesn’t stick around to see the aftermath. Just plucks the picture out of Cindy’s grasp and squeezes between the cackling spectators and runs all the way to The Tree. There’s yoghurt on his dad’s chin and he wipes at it desperately until it goes and rolls his thumb along the edges Cindy had crinkled until they’re smooth.  </p><p>It’s only later, when he’s lying on his small bed, feet hanging off the end with the picture pressed <em>hard</em> to his chest like he could absorb it into his body, that he realises he should have taken Beth’s hand to save her from whatever hell Cindy probably unleashed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>3.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Rick <em>hates</em> lunchtime.</p><p>He’s been avoiding the cafeteria since the beginning of the year but Mr Grisham the guidance counsellor says that if he skips break one more time to eat outside he’s getting suspended so takes three deep breathes before slipping into the warzone behind a few teachers.  </p><p>It’s hell inside. He still doesn’t do too well with a lot of noise because home is always so quiet and any bursts of sound mean pain so he flinches when he enters. He doesn’t have any money for lunch- just left overs from left overs because his uncle is a piece of shit and food is under beer on the grocery list. He clutches his paper bag in a fist and hugs the walls looking for a table that doesn’t look like its inhabitants will try to eat his soul.</p><p>There’s only one that looks safe, right at the back of the room, set-apart from all the others. There’s already someone on it and he isn’t sure what to make of the deep relief that fills his chest when he <em>sees</em> Beth for the third time.</p><p>She’s talking on the phone again, probably to her mom because it’s Tuesday and her dad has his weekly meeting today.</p><p>(Christ, why does he know that? (and why doesn’t it <em>bother</em> him that he knows that?))</p><p>He slinks forward until he’s standing next to her and watches for a few minutes until she notices him. She doesn’t of course, so he clears his throat and grunts:</p><p>“Can I sit here?”</p><p>She looks up and maybe it’s because he didn’t get any sleep last night because he was dreading the cafeteria so much it made his stomach hurt, or maybe it’s the years of malnutrition but he’s almost certain that her eyes sparkle when she smiles at him and she nods, points to the empty chair beside her and covers the phone receiver.</p><p>“I’ll be done in a sec and then we can talk!” She says excitedly.</p><p>“Great.” He grumbles. “Because I have nothing better to do than listen to how many times you beat your mom at Monopoly.”</p><p>Her smile crumples. Something pinches in his chest and he’s talking before he even knows what he’s saying.</p><p>“Sorry, that was supposed to be a joke. Guess I’m rusty.”</p><p>He hates lying but seeing her brighten again is sort of worth it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>4.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Freshman year is ending, and Rick couldn’t be happier. Three more years of that shithole and then he could leave that backwards town and forget all the grief that Blue Valley held in its bones.</p><p>“So last night me and mom-”</p><p>“Where would you go if you could go anywhere?” He interrupts. He’s got one of her cookies half stuffed in his mouth, so it comes out a little muffled but she her lips purse in contemplation anyway.</p><p>“You mean, with my parents? Well they really like our annual vacation in-”</p><p>“No.” He cuts in again, trying not to be too obvious in the way he licks his fingers of the cookie crumbs. “I mean by yourself. If you could go anywhere, where would you go?”</p><p>Beth looks confused. “But why would I go anywhere without my parents? They’re my-”</p><p>“Best friends, I know.” He grinds out, feeling frustrated in a way he hasn’t ever been before. “But I mean <em>you</em>, Beth. Where would <em>you</em> go?”</p><p>“Oh.” She deflates. She looks lost and them mumbles: “Nowhere if my parents couldn’t come.”</p><p>Anger flares. “Well some of us don’t <em>have</em> parents, Beth.” He snaps.</p><p>He isn’t sure why he’s so annoyed. It’s not her fault his folks left in the middle of the night and never came back. It’s not her fault that the world is lonely and he’s constantly hungry. It’s not her fault that his knuckles are bruised because he punched a wall last night because everything hurt. It’s not her fault. But he’s angry with her because he’s seeing her for the fourth time, and she doesn’t get it and he doesn’t get why that bothers him so much.</p><p>Beth flushes, visibly deflates. “Rick- I didn’t mean-”</p><p>But he’s already gone. Frayed backpack slung over his shoulder, steps short and angry. He’s always angry. But never with her. And the guilt of this new anger and the way he’d spoken to her burns at his chest even after he falls asleep that night. The next day they don’t talk about it, but he sits next to her like he always does and when she’s on the phone to her dad (because it’s Wednesday and her mom has her Team meetings from twelve to three) he slides a cookie her way. He used his stash of saved money to get it at O’Neils on the way to school. It cost three bucks too much and parting with the change hurt but she takes it and he knows that <em>she</em> knows he means that he’s sorry.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>5.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t know how to describe the <strong><em>yank</em></strong> on his heart when he hears Beth’s frantic voice coming through the phone. Yolanda is panicking and changing into her suit and his hands shake as he turns his hourglass. All he can think about is Beth’s stupid hand on his stupid chest and the fact that the anger that had been building and building since his parents died was finally (<em>finally</em>) silent as soon as she touched him. And how for that one second, everything had been calm. And how, if Cindy hurts Beth the way she hurt Courtney, he’s not sure he’ll be able to stop himself from doing something terrible and how that was scary but the thought of Beth being gone terrified him even more.</p><p>She falls into his arms as light as a feather and he finally <em>sees</em> her for the fifth time. He wants to say something cheesy like <em>Don’t worry, I’ve got you</em>, but they’ve got to go and he’s so happy that all he can do is smile and hope that she sees what he’s been trying to say since elementary school.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>* * *</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Beth’s bedroom is quiet and dark, and it feels like she hasn’t been able to catch her breath since Cindy’s house.</p><p>“Chuck?” She whispers.</p><p>“Yes, Beth?”</p><p>Her fingers toy with the edge of her blanket.</p><p>“What does…” She clears her throat, wets her lips and tries again. “What does it feel like when you…<em>like</em> someone?”</p><p>“When friendships are formed between humans, the brain produces a mixture of dopamine, serotonin and-”</p><p>“I’m not talking about friendship.” She sighs, turns on her side and stares at the shadowy wall.</p><p>“My mistake, Beth. Are you talking about romantic connections?”</p><p>“Yeah, Chuck. I just- I’ve never-” She swallows. “I don’t know what it <em>feels</em> like. Do you?”</p><p>The A.I. pauses. “I do not, Beth. I am sorry. I am not human and therefore have not experienced such emotion. Google shows twelve million, five hundred and sixteen thousand, two hundred and three results on the subject, however. Shall I start with the first result?”</p><p>Beth snorts a laugh and shakes her head. “I don’t think this is something Google can solve, Chuck.”</p><p>Chuck’s quiet and then: “I… also have a diary entry from Charles McNider dated April, 18<sup>th</sup> 1993 entitled The Question of Love, which may provide insight from a human. It could ease your heart rate, which is slightly elevated, to hear about this subject from someone familiar.”</p><p>Beth sits up and fluffs a pillow out of shape before tucking it behind her back.</p><p>“I think I’d like that, Chuck.”</p><p>“As you wish then, Beth. Diary Entry dated April 18<sup>th</sup> 1993, The Question of Love by Dr Charles McNider.</p><p> </p><p><em>Offer me any equation, any conundrum and I will solve it. Some physics stump or biological question and I will answer it. But ask me what this feeling is, this burning, twisting sick feeling each time I look towards her and I will stare, slack jawed and confused for this is something beyond me. I cannot form the words to describe</em>…”</p><p> </p><p>Chuck’s voice lulls her into easier sleep where there’s no Cindy, or creepy underground lair or growling in the furthest, darkest corners of a hallway. There’s only warmth and strong arms and Rick, smiling down at her and she <em>sees</em> him properly for the first time, and wonders how she could have ever missed it before. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! I’m Aobh and I’m obessed with Hournite. Hope you liked this as much as I liked writing it! Drop me a comment if you have the time, if you don’t that’s ok too. As always, if you want to come and talk to me (or shout at me for not updating my other fics) you can find me on twitter <a href="twitter.com/aobh_fanfiction">HERE!</a> I hope you have a lovely weekend. </p><p>All my joy,<br/>Aobh x</p></blockquote></div></div>
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